Ugh, I am so tired and so frustrated and so irritated. I just need to rant. Feel free to pass this journal over.

Ever have one of those days that things just pile up, even the smallest, most insignificant, most trivial of things and are just the tip of the iceberg? I'm so tense my back is just aching and I have a headache in my temples and above my ears.

So today, I was feeling perfectly awake (as awake as I can be with exhausting musical rehearsals and a lack of sleep) for the first half of the day, and then about halfway through third period this exhaustion just hit me like a freight train. I've never had this happen before, but I couldn't stop yawning and I was falling asleep sitting up.

Fourth period, we took a test and almost right after, I lay my head down on my arms and I could feel my arms shaking. My body kept twitching in that way that it does when you're about to go to sleep, and somewhere that your mind is drifting makes you twitch. And then I fell asleep for about the last twenty minutes of class. I felt like crap. Not sick, but not well.

And rehearsal tonight went on forever. I can't wait for this musical to be over. I usually love stuff like this, and I still have a lot of fun, but frankly I don't think the musical is turning out well at all and rehearsals this late and with so little productivity, and so little readiness, is just ridiculous. It went from right after school (around four fifteen) to 8:45.

During our ten-minute intermission, I had to go to the bathroom and get a drink. I went to get a drink twice because I was burning up and parched (stage lights suck ass). And when I come back, I hear the music for the waltz, a song and dance number that I am in. I was pretty much consumed by fury. Nobody had thought to come find me. No pirates had thought to tell me that I, a fellow pirate, was on (along with another pirate, my waltz partner Sam). Nobody offstage had thought to come find me, even though they didn't have to be on for a while and could've run to the water fountains and told me to get my ass onstage. I was so pissed off when I realized what was happening that I started cussing up a storm in front of a cast member's parent (didn't realize he was there) which made me feel embarrassed and ashamed afterward.

When I got into the car to go home (at long last) my mom sets off on a rant about her day. I don't blame her in the slightest. Everybody needs to vent now and then, like I'm doing now. But the last thing I wanted to deal with was her problems. I pretty much wanted to collapse.

And once home, I desperately wanted a Dr. Pepper. I am in love with Dr. Pepper. And I open the doors, and there are these dinky little 8oz numbers. It sounds absolutely retarded to get irritated about this, but it was like the straw that broke the camel's back. I am so tired of her not just getting the damn regular-sized cans that are big enough to satisfy and small enough that they don't go flat before I finish them.

Oh, and possibly the worst part of it all--I left my goddamn motherfucking sonnuvabitch glasses in the dressing room. Everything is unclear. I can see what I'm writing but it's slightly blurry and it gives me a headache. I just know that I'm going to go into the dressing room and they're going to be gone, and I really can't go without my glasses. I can see okay but I get so many headaches when I don't wear my glasses, and I hate having to squint at things to try and make them clearer, which I do automatically and doesn't help in the slightest. And I keep touching my nose to push up glasses that currently are absent.

And I'm too tired to even work on my story like I wanted to, like I've been desperate to all day long. And it gives me a headache to try and read the letters. I can read each individual letter with no difficulty, but God, it's blurry and I hate it.

I want my goddamn glasses and I want my goddamn regular-sized Diet Dr. frickfracking Pepper.



By the way, the song I'm listening to is great for relaxing, and is very beautiful. I was singing it in my head all day to keep myself sane.